Occasionally, you’ll meet a girl you have a lot of chemistry with, but for some reason, you don’t want to commit to her. So you remain friends with the girl, while still being intimate with each other.
It can become a problem though, if the girl is insistent upon turning it into more than that. She might try to suck you into a relationship. To prevent this, you need to lay some ground rules.
Here are some tips for keeping the “Friends With Benefits” alive and well, for as long as possible.
1. No spending the night.
Letting her spend the night, or spending the night at her place sends the wrong message! It communicates a desire to settle down. If you can, keep the encounters at her place, and then leave. It’s much nicer than kicking her out of your place.
2. Keep cuddling to a minimum!
Doing a lot of intimate stuff is going to create an emotional desire for more. Avoid this! You want to keep things physical rather than emotional. Fifteen minutes of cuddling is the max I would recommend. But displays of affection is generally discouraged.
3. Do not enter into a “Friends With Benefits” arrangement while drunk.
There’s a difference between a one-night stand and a friend with benefits. But entering either drunk is not wise. God forbid there’s a beer-goggles situation. You don’t want to go to bed with a supermodel and wake up with a dog, do you? Besides, don’t you want to be sober enough to remember all the marvelous fun you had the night before?
4. No leave-behinds!
Do not allow the girl to leave any of her stuff at your place! No toothbrushes, no clothes – nothing! There should be no ties at all. Believe me, women WILL try and do this if they’re over enough times, just for “convenience.” But it’s really a doorway into moving more and more things in, until she’s effectively attached herself to you.
5. Don’t discuss anything real.
Remember, we’re trying to avoid intimacy here, and nothing creates intimacy like talking about important things. No family history, no favorite colors, no goals, no personal triumphs or tragedies. If you want to keep it a friends with benefits situation, you have to stay light: movies, bands, and favorite brands of booze.
6. Pet names aren’t allowed.
No sweetie, honey, schmoopie allowed. Once you start with the nick names, a sense of ownership is implied. Don’t even call her “babe.” Keep it to her name only, because once you start with the terms of endearment, she’s going to get the wrong idea.
7. No dinners, no movies, no “quality time” of any sort.
If she insists on going out at all, meet her at a bar for drinks no earlier than ten o’clock at night. The hour between nine and ten is the gray zone between when a real date starts and when it’s just a hook-up. Going out late means you don’t have to go through the effort of buying her dinner and talking, you just want to get to the good stuff.
8. Hide all evidence of your arrangement.
Throw out all condom wrappers (although you should no matter what), change your sheets, and don’t get any hickeys, bruises, bites, or scratches if you expect to date anyone else any time soon.
9. Always play it safe!
One of the sad realities of life is that women will sometimes do dirty things to hook a guy, and one of those things is getting pregnant. So always, always, ALWAYS use condoms and birth control when playing with your friend with benefits!
And more importantly, be sure to properly dispose of the condoms after you’re done! Flush ’em down that toilet to make sure there’s no possibility of “leakage.”
10. Pee with the door closed.
Even if you are using each other for cheap thrills, doesn’t mean you should act indecent.
These rules probably sound harsh, but if it’s too much, then having a friend with benefits is probably not for you. Many people can get it on and not feel any attachment. Most can’t though, and it’s a rough game that not everyone can play. Just figure out what you are willing to do and go from there.